Thursday, 25 May 2017


You don't speak your father's language. Even your beginnings were dogged down with flagrant derogatory talk. You were told you didn't know how to do anything. Whenever you were asked to fetch a pair of pliers from the toolbox, you'd bring back the pincers instead.

You were taught how to change the tyres several times. But after nearly a decade you cannot replicate it. I guess he was right. There's nothing you know how to do.

Probably your French teacher was right too. You remember right? When he wouldn't give you a chance in the high school soccer team because he thought you were too short and smallish.

When you were seen as the outsider, though you encouraged yourself to prove yourself to yourself.
But despite the wannabe status, you pushed through to become a part of the science and math team. What an accomplishment! But really was it?

What's your value bro? What's your worth? Have you found it yet?
Or you're still what you were before? An unknown, even to yourself.
Fighting for acceptance, to be understood - to be accepted.
Are you enough?

Monday, 1 May 2017

Be August..

I'm drowning my silent sorrow with a lot of noise. Whenever i re-lapse into my depressive state, I pray in my bathroom without thought of time, or I'd start sinning with some secular music playing from my broken laptop. Don't give me the hypocrite rhetoric. Not now.

Right now, the stalemate I'm looking at isn't changing. No matter how many routes of change I employ, both gnosis and epignosis.

Don't talk me into doing what will make you happy. I could explode now and the pain would lose its hold on me. You'd be happy that the pain left, but the prelude, not so much. Maybe I'm too emotional at the moment. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Or maybe you're giving up when the journey hasn't even begun yet.

Some didn't survive immediately after their flight begun, others have hung on despite the infidelity. Both, not our lot, but why this now? Be August...